2011 In Review

Epic fail award

Maybe there's no connection, but did anyone else notice the timing involved in the arrest of a Western Carolina University student on charges he used a toy gun to rob a bank across the street from campus in Cullowhee? The robbery came just days after of an announcement that WCU would institute a $399 tuition and fees hike. The kid had just that day been evicted from his apartment, too.

When police searched the apartment, they found the toy gun and the money — someone clearly hadn't watched enough bank heist movies.

The Captive audience award

To the graduation speaker for Nantahala School in Macon County, a cowboy preacher who tied up and blindfolded a student volunteer with ropes to make various points about the devil and sin.

This bizarre graduation spectacle was punctuated by the preacher's fire and brimstones sermon, all clearly and obviously and indisputably in violation of the separation of church and state to so overtly push religion in a school setting. Though Macon School Superintendent Dan Brigman initially defended the speech, he retreated from that stance when faced with a possible lawsuit with Freedom From Religion Foundation.

LeBron James award

Haywood County commissioners borrowed LeBron's mantra when they decided to sell out the county's landfill — kicking the home team to the curb for a chance at greatness.

The county turned over the keys to its landfill to a private, for-profit company. That company gets to sell off space in the landfill to other places looking for somewhere to dump their trash — interestingly, it gets to keep the money made off selling space in Haywood's landfill. Meanwhile, the company also gets a flat monthly fee for accepting the county's own trash.

Why would Haywood sell out for such a raw deal? Haywood County won't have to worry about replacing its aging fleet of landfill equipment or the cost of expanding the pit at the landfill in the future. It also won't have to worry about the large expense three or four decades from now to close out the landfill when it finally fills up.

Despite allowing a private company to sell off space in the county's landfill for a profit — something that could double or triple the daily volume of trash coming in — it won't fill up any sooner than the 40-year life it was previously projected to have when being used only for Haywood's own trash.

Maybe they should get the “fuzzy math” award instead?

99 percent award

There were no tents or campouts or long-lived protests for Occupy Sylva, who might better be dubbed Occupy Lulu's restaurant. Participants, mainly aging Democrats, rallied gamely one Saturday morning in October for an entire hour around the courthouse fountain on Main Street in Sylva before retiring into various downtown restaurants to do lunch.

The Occupy Sylva hour has given birth to Occupy WNC, which meets in the cozy warmth of a county government courtroom on Tuesday evenings.


One percent award

How does an annual salary and benefits of $185,000 sound? That's what the principal chief of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians makes, not counting a car. But a challenger for the chief's seat this year, Patrick Lambert, was willing to give up his own salary and benefits worth $446,000 annually as the director of the Tribal Gaming Commission for the honor of serving as the tribe's leader.

Lambert's salary at the Gaming Commission became public in the final weeks of the election. The big salary was justified as being commiserate with other top jobs in the casino industry compared to government service.

Dust Bowl award

Granted, there won't be any problem finding parking, but it sure promises to be lonely in Franklin's largest strip mall when Walmart moves a few miles away to a new location. A few of the strip mall's businesses are joining the exodus and following in the footsteps of the retail giant, but the rest are apparently left high and dry with an empty, hulking shell next door.

Walmart is planning a spring opening at its new location. The eight or so businesses left might consider planning a wake for about the same time.


Best idea

When Walmart abandoned its former store in Haywood County for newer, bigger digs across town, it left a hulking shell in its wake and a desolate strip mall with a shaky future. Haywood County commissioners, meanwhile, had been passing the buck for years on what to do about the antiquated Department of Social Services building, where 200 employees has been putting up with leaky roofs, frozen pipes, and quarters so cramped that closets had been converted into offices.

Haywood County bought the old Walmart building and repurposed it to house DSS and the health department and county planning offices, for a total cost of  $12 million — breathing new life into the strip mall and saving taxpayers millions compared to the cost of a brand-new facility.

Super Bowl award

Despite the hype, the hard-fought road to victory and the tears along the way, the game itself is always surprisingly anticlimactic — which Webster's defines as “lacking climax, disappointing or ironically insignificant following impressive foreshadowing.”

That pretty well sums up the first chunk of change Swain County spent from its North Shore Road settlement fund. After nearly 65 years of bitter fighting, Swain County got a $12.5 million federal payout to compensate the county for a 30-mile road flooded by the creation of Fontana Lake.

The money was put in a lockbox except for the annual interest it accrues. The county's first move when that first interest payment came through? Five commemorative granite pedestals in front of the county administration building honoring the key players in the fight.